Posted on April 20th, 2008 by Mike Parejo.
Categories: Parents.
This morning we are concluding “Pure,” our series on sex and dating
Two weeks ago we talked about God’s pure plan for sex – how it is designed for a man and a woman in a marriage relationship
Last week we talked about how our impure world has decided to go against God’s plan and is trying to get us to believe four lies
- how I look matters more than who I am
- sex matters more than love
- I matter more than other people
- Who I have matters more than who I am
God’s truth smashed these lies of the world, yet many of us still struggle with the constant messages that the world sends out So this morning we are going to focus on how we can set pure boundaries in our lives when it comes to sex and datingIt is necessary to set boundaries because the pursuit of purity is not an easy thing “…as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships, and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleeplessness and hunger; in purity…” (2 Corinthians 6:4-6)
Look at what Paul has compared purity to!
Purity is not easy, you have to work hard and make it a goal in your life!
Like going to college or playing a sport or getting your dream job – you have to set goals and boundaries in order to reach those goals
It won’t just happen to you if you don’t plan Does Tiger Woods just win golf tournaments without hard work and practice?
Can you get into college if you don’t do your homework and study for tests (maybe with a football scholarship)
Sarah just got hired at Desert Sky and will start teaching full time next year, but she had to work hard to get there
You cannot expect to be sexually pure unless you are willing to work hard and set some boundaries in your life right now
So whether you are dating somebody right now or you’re not remotely interested in having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you need to make some choices to pursue purity
But you need to decide now before you get too deep in a dating relationship
Don’t just choose boundaries because I say so or your parents say so – you should talk to your parents and/or trusted adults, but you have to know what you believe and why you believe it
If you are just following somebody else’s rules and you haven’t fully bought into them yourself, you won’t stick to them
You need to start asking yourself some honest questions now and making Godly decisions about sex and relationships
Questions like these…
1) What personal qualities are necessary for the guy/girl I date?
If you are very careful about the person you want to date, you will eliminate a lot of the pressure that can happen in a relationship
You need to think about who it is you want to date, don’t settle on just liking people who are good looking or make you laugh
Have you decided that you will only date a Christian? ” Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
It is not a sin to date a non-Christian, but you are asking for trouble if you do – your standards will be different from the start!
What other qualities are important – fruit of the spirit is a good guide
You can’t go wrong with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control
2) What will I/won’t I do?
Probably is okay to be with bf/gf at school or at youth group or at the mall together, but not in your bedroom with the door shut, or in the back row of the movie theater, or really anyplace alone where people can’t see you
If you ever find yourself in a tough situation where you are feeling tempted, you need to run!
“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who all on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)
This is the Joseph principle – found himself alone in his masters house with his masters wife
She comes to him one day when they are in the house alone together and says “come to bed with me!”
Joseph doesn’t just stand there “Hmm… how do I talk my way out of this…” – HE RUNS AWAY
When you answer the question what will I and won’t I do – you need to think about how far you will go physically with a person
Now keep in mind that I’ve established it is not a good idea to be alone with a boyfriend or girlfriend
Hopefully you have better judgment that to make out with your boyfriend or girlfriend in the middle of the food court at Park Place mall
You need to decide what you will allow physically – there are no “purity police” that will follow you around and tell you what to do
There is no general rule – the Bible never addresses how far too far too far is physically
Maybe holding hands, some would say kissing – but I wouldn’t say anything past that is okay
3) Do I even date seriously? When you start dating is not something I can decide for you – that is a conversation you need to have with your parentsI would say wait as long as you can before you dateI didn’t date anyone until I was a senior in high school – and I wish I hadn’t of dated those two girls
I wish that April is the only person I had ever dated!
No rule that says you have to date. In some ways, dating and breaking up is kinda like practicing divorce.
If you aren’t even considering getting married for at least five years, why date if you don’t have to?
It is important to start making these decisions now before you find yourself in a position where your mind is clouded by temptation
Above all this dating nonsense, remember that your relationship with Jesus must be more important than any other relationship
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)
If Jesus is your most important relationship, then everything else is going to work out
Set pure boundaries in your life for sex and dating based on your walk with Jesus and pursue purity – make it your goal!
Pure Resources
Book Recommendations:
“Heat”- Marcus Brotherton
“Questions You Can’t Ask Your Mama About Sex”- Craig Gross and Mike Foster
“Every Young Man’s Battle”- Stephen Arterburn
“Every Young Woman’s Battle”- Sheila Ethridge
“How Far is Too Far?”- Todd Lochner
“Not Even a Hint”- Joshua Harris
Internet Resources:
www.x3watch.com - This free accountability software once loaded on your computer will monitor the sites you visit and send an email report to an accountability partner of your choice with any questionable websites. They also offer filtering software.
www.4safe.com - An internet filter that allows access to research and entertainment information while blocking out pornographic and violent web sites.
Posted on April 14th, 2008 by Mike Parejo.
Categories: Uncategorized.
We began our series on sex and dating entitled “Pure” last week If you weren’t here – you can go to the pccstudents.org website and click on the parent page to read his lesson notes
If you were here for Brian’s message, you know that it was intense; maybe you were pretty uncomfortable as he spoke Some of you might be afraid of what I am going to say this week after what Brian said last week But we need to be talking about sex in church, because the facts would suggest that a lot of teens are making bad choices about sex
Statistics you probably won’t like…
- By age 17, five out of ten teenagers will be having sex- 1 out of 4 sexually active teenagers will contract a sexually transmitted disease this year
- Two out of ten teenage girls who have sex will get pregnant - one baby will be born, the other will be aborted or miscarried Teenagers are having pre-marital sex and are paying the price Some of us in this room have had pre-marital sex and are hoping that we won’t be part of these statistics
This week, I am going to focus on how we are to stay pure with regards to our minds We are responsible for our thought life and for the training of our minds
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.” (Romans 12:2a)
The world tries to shape our minds about every topic, including what we think about sex and relationships
If you look at how the world thinks about sex and relationships, it goes directly against God’s pure plans Please don’t misunderstand what I am trying to say, I don’t think that there’s some conspiracy where powerful people who know God’s plan sex say to one another, “Let’s see how many people we can fool!”
I believe that most people genuinely want to do what’s best But people can be genuinely wrong as well
You can have conviction and still be dead wrong The world may have convictions about what is appropriate for sex, but we shouldn’t conform to those convictions
We’re instructed to renew our minds and to turn away from how the world views sex This may seem weird, as some of us might be asking the question, is it even okay to think about sex – or is that wrong?
God thinks about it, so it can’t be wrong. This doesn’t mean that we can think about any sexual thing whenever we want to
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5: 
Sex is a powerful thing – and we have to be very careful to set boundaries on how we even think about it
God has presented his design for sex in the Bible and how we should think about it – between a man and a woman in a marriage relationship This is not easy to do, the world throws every possible image and message at us that is contrary to God’s design for sex
The world sends us continual messages that sexual activity before marriage is okay and that thinking about sex all the time is natural Our minds are always being trained to believe that sex outside of God’s plan is good
Think about all the messages you are sent on a daily basis about sex and dating (whether you want the messages or not) Consider the movies, TV programs and commercials you watch, the music that you listen to, the websites that you visit, the video games that you play, the magazines that you read
If you are constantly allowing your mind to take in casual attitudes about sex, your attitude will become more casual about it Movies and TV and music and magazines are not the enemy we fight, but you have to really think about what you are letting in Bible is clear about what sorts of things that we should focus upon
“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.” (Philippians 4
You must be able to filter what you are feeding your mind about sex and relationships or you will end up adopting the world’s view Filtering isn’t the only way that you need to train your mind, you also need to start making some choices right now
Easy Pop Quiz of the Day: When is the best time to decide “how far is too far?”
a) when you’re making out on your boyfriend’s bed when his parents aren’t home
b) WAY BEFORE IT EVER COMES TO THAT!
How idiotic would it be to wait until you are overwhelmed by temptation to make decisions about purity?
You need to start asking yourself some honest questions now and making Godly decisions about sex and relationships Questions like these…
1) What personal qualities are necessary for the guy/girl I date?
Have you decided that you will only date a Christian (Bible says you should – 2 Cor 6:14)
What other qualities are important to you – fruit of the spirit is a good guide if you can think of any - can’t go wrong with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control 2) Where will I/won’t I be with my boyfriend or girlfriend?
It is probably okay to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend at school or at youth group or at the mall together; but not in the backseat of a car or in your bedroom with the door shut, or really anyplace alone where people can’t see you 3) What places on a guy’s/girl’s body will I not touch before marriage?
If you have trouble thinking of a guide – go with bathing suit rule (girl – one piece with board shorts)
Remember the 2nd question - this is a guide of how you will consider touching the other person in public, not someplace private (which we’ve already established is a bad idea)4) Will I even date seriously?
There is no rule that says you have to date. In some ways, dating and breaking up is kinda like practicing divorce. If you aren’t thinking about getting married for several years, why date if you don’t have to? It is important to start making these decisions now before you find yourself in a position where your mind is clouded by temptation
It is even better if you tell somebody else about the decisions you make so they can ask you if you are sticking to them Keeping a pure mind is hard to do – our world is working hard to train our minds to be impure
It is our job to make sure we filter what goes into our mind and to make Godly decisions now in order to avoid falling to temptation later
Posted on April 13th, 2008 by Mike Parejo.
Categories: Parents.
We’re continuing our series entitled “Pure” about sex, dating and relationships.
Last week we talked about God’s pure plan Does anyone remember the 13-word description of his Pure plan?
“Sex is designed for a man and a woman in a marriage relationship”
It is actually pretty simple, if everybody in the world trusted God’s plan for sex, we would be in pretty good shape
Unfortunately, people don’t trust that plan and it leads to all sorts of problems that God never intended to go along with sex
Here are some statistics about sex that you probably won’t like
• By age 17, five out of ten teenagers will be having sex
• One out of four sexually active teenagers will contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD) this year
• Two out of ten teenage women who have sex will get pregnant – one baby will be born, the other will be aborted or miscarried
This is outside of God’s Pure plan – something went horribly wrong!
You see, our world is an impure place
If you look at how the world views sex and relationships, it goes directly against God’s pure plans
Please don’t misunderstand what I am trying to say, I don’t think that there’s some conspiracy where powerful people who know God’s plan sex say to one another, “Let’s see how many people we can fool!”
I believe that most people genuinely want to do what’s best But people can be genuinely wrong as well
You can have conviction and still be dead wrong
There are lots of people in this world who have their own convictions about what they feel is appropriate for sex and dating, but they are still wrong based on God’s pure plan
This morning we’re going to look at four impure ideas that the world has about sex and dating
Maybe you have into some of these yourself – I pray that you would be freed from these lies of the world
Impure Idea #1 - How I look matters more than who I am
We live in a society where it seems like the only thing that matters is looking good
If you don’t have the right body shape or bone structure, you’re out
The covers of magazines totally sell this idea that you have to look good
The people on the covers of magazines never look like us – they often have on tons of makeup and are airbrushed to look perfect
Don’t buy into the lie that what you look like is more important than who you are on the inside
“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7
I love this verse, God sees who we truly are – He isn’t impressed
If you look like Zac Efron or Jessica Alba, He cares about who we are!
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” - Proverbs 31:30
Let’s face it, nobody looks good forever – you simply won’t look as good at age 80 as when you are 20
God desires that you would be beautiful on the inside and in love with following Him
Impure Idea #2 – Sex matter more than love
Our world is constantly sending the message that sex is more important that love
Next time you are near a magazine rack, just check out the covers of the major men’s and women’s magazines and you’ll see what I am talking about
The major men’s and women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan and Men’s Health always have an article about sex listed on front cover
Tons of articles about sex, but few (if any) on love
But while sex may get more attention than love, it doesn’t matter more
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Follow the way of love…” (1 Corinthians 13:13 – 14:1)
If sex mattered more than love, then you would think that prostitutes would be the happiest people alive
Most are miserable, and these women who have sex for money often commit suicide because they are so unhappy
Don’t buy the lie that sex matters more than love
Impure Idea #3 – I matter more than other people
The world wants us to believe that our desires are more important than anybody else’s desires
Figure out a way to get what you want, even sexually, without thinking about the other person
Being sexually active before marriage is a selfish act – what you want is more important than the other person
If you really cared about the other person, you would be willing to wait until getting married before pressuring them to have sex
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
Impure Idea #4 – Who I have matters more than who I am
Our world sells this one like crazy – the pressure to have a boyfriend or girlfriend for many of you is extreme
Your value as a person is not based upon whether or not you have a “special somebody” in your life to give candy to on Valentine’s Day!
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:13-14)
You were created by God and your worth as a human being is based upon your Creator
You are valuable by yourself, not because anyone you are with April wouldn’t be less of a person without me, Enrique wouldn’t be less of a person without Cheryl, you are not less of a person if you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend
God’s pure truth is the exact opposite of these impure ideas
- Who you are matters more than what you look like.
- Love matters more than sex.
- Other people matter more than ourselves.
- Who I am matters more than who I have.
So I leave you with this question – will you choose to trust in God and his Pure plan, or the ideas of an impure world?
Posted on April 6th, 2008 by Brian Goodall.
Categories: Parents.
My mentor once encouraged me to do something called a Tombstone Exercise. A tombstone exercise is simply this; Many tombstones have some type of epitaph on them – descriptions of the deceased written based on what people most remember them by. My mentor encouraged me to do an exercise where I write out on a sheet of paper how I want specific people to remember me when I pass away. What do I want them to say about me? Who I was? What do I want Kate to say about me? What do I want Ethan and Keegan to say about me? What do I want the people I work with to say about me? My friends? You get the point.
One group of people I have on this Tombstone Exercise is you. And this is what I put down. When I pass away I hope you say this about me: He truly loved God and he loved us, even when we were at our worst.
Why do I bring this up? Well, first because I want you to know that I do love all of you and I know that all of our leaders love you, too. Secondly, this morning we are dealing with a difficult subject. I want to help put it in perspective.
Raise your hand if you are married.
Now, for those of you who do not have your hands raised, please stand up.
I am addressing all of you who are standing as a group.
Listen very clearly to what I am about to say to you as your spiritual leader.
I want to say this in the most loving and yet firm way I can; You are not permitted to have sex. Period. Until you are married.
Let me define that word “sex” for you, because it has become very diluted in our culture.
Webster’s definition; An act performed with another for sexual gratification.
This includes: intercourse, oral sex, mutual touching, fondling, etc.
Along with that I will say run away from anything that promotes sex outside of marriage. Run away from sexually explicit pictures, movies, internet sites, chat rooms, books, magazine articles, you name it. Run away! These things do not promote the life you were called to live as Christians. They will work to destroy your life.
Understand, sex is a powerful, holy, sacred thing that is intended to be the strongest physical, emotional, and spiritual bond we can have with another person on this earth. It’s a gift between two people. Don’t rob yourself or someone else of that gift.
It isn’t by my own authority that I say this to you. It is by God’s. Listen to the following verses.
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust…
Colossians 3:5
Flee from sexual immorality
1 Corinthians 6:18
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral
Hebrews 13:4
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality
1 Thessalonians 4:3
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality… because (it is) improper for God’s holy people
Ephesians 5:3
The body is not meant for sexual immorality
1 Corinthians 6:13
I can share with you many, many, many reasons why it is destructive for you to be involved in sexual activities outside of marriage, but there is a greater heart issue here. To give you those reasons would be missing the main point. It’s about being obedient to God.
Listen very clearly; If you are currently engaged in sexual activities you are rebelling against God.
As followers of Jesus, God has called us to a higher standard. God does not create pointless standards, BUT even if He did create a standard that we believed was pointless in every way – He is still deserving of our obedience. If you disagree with that then don’t call yourself a follower of Jesus.
Okay, now lets take a step back. There’s grace. This is the most important part. My guess is that 100% of us in here struggle with sexual temptation. You are not alone! Let’s encourage each other toward purity. We cannot do this on our own.
Many of you have heard me say before that I struggled with pornography for many years of my young life. I felt like I was the only one and I was scared to death for anyone to find out. I was completely alone in the fight and because of that I would lose battles time and time again. And the guilt was crushing. I’m still recovering from the guilt to this day. It wasn’t until I was in college that I began to ask for help. It took awhile, but God allowed me victory because I let down my pride and asked others for help.
I know many of you this morning are right there. You are trapped in a battle for your life and completely afraid for anyone else to know. What would they think of you? You believe you can do this on your own, but you are believing a lie. You need help. You need to be strong and courageous. You need to ask others for help.
For those of you who have been involved in sexually activities or are currently and desire to change, there is hope! You are never too far gone, wherever you are!
Know these things…
There is no condemnation for those who are in Jesus.
Romans 8:1
Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Jesus.
Romans 8:39
You have been called to be free. It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. But you cannot get through this on your own. You need to get help from others who love you and care about God’s best in your life.
Posted on April 6th, 2008 by Mike Parejo.
Categories: Uncategorized.
Hi parents!
Below are the lesson notes I am using for the first lesson in our “Pure” series on sex and dating in middle school. You may find it easier to just copy and paste the text into a Word file and print it off, or you can just read it here. I hope this is valuable to you and that you have a great conversation with your middle school student this week about this first topic of “God’s Pure Plan.” Ask your student about the nasty water I brought on stage!
- Mike
——————————————————–
What are some things in life that we like to be pure?
- Soap (Ivory 99.4% pure), chocolate, gold, water
People love bottled water because they feel it is better than tap water, that it is more pure due to filtration
One bottled water company has a 13-step process of filtering their water using ultraviolet light, 5-micron filtration, and reverse osmosis I don’t know what any of that means, but apparently it makes the water really, really pure.Estimates that people spend over $10 billion annually to make sure they’re getting clean, pure water.But let’s face it – if you were really thirsty, you would be willing to drink water that wasn’t filtered according to a 13-step process.
What if you had just run five miles and I gave you the choice of water? Either have this bottle of ice cold smart water in five minutes or you can have this ice cold bottle of nasty water right now?Sure the nasty water might quench your thirst, but it wouldn’t really satisfyIn fact, your body would probably be in worse shape after drinking it.Most of us would much rather drink water that is pure When it comes to sex and dating – God wants us to live according to his pure plan.God created sex and He created it to be a good thing, to be pureA lot of people still see sex as something that is wrong or dirty, that we shouldn’t talk about it. But sex isn’t supposed to be wrong or shameful - check this out about Adam and Eve, the first people to ever have sex.
“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” - Genesis 2:25 Sex is not supposed to be a shameful subject according to God. “For everything God created is good…” - 1 Timothy 4:4a God also decided to set boundaries on how sex was to be enjoyed, it isn’t limitless But we see this all the time in our world – how people have removed any and all boundaries on sex, try to make it limitless. The internet, movies, music, books, magazines, and television send continuous messages that you can have as much sex as you want, whenever you want it with whomever you want. Currently on iTunes – top 25 music videos almost all have sexual lyrics or images.Movies often have inappropriate scenes that are unnecessarily sexual. TV/late night commercials sell all sorts of products about sex. Pornography is all over the internet The world has made sex whatever they want it to be, but God takes a strong stance against sexual sin. “God wants you to be holy and to stay away from sexual sins. He wants each of you to learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable. Don’t use your body for sexual sin like the people who do not know God.” - 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (NCV) God has a pure plan for sex, which means that the entertainment industry’s view of have sex whenever you want is kinda like this bottle of nasty water. You might quench your thirst temporarily, but it’s not what is best for you since it is not what the bottler intended you to have. Sex outside of God’s pure plan may bring temporary pleasure, but it is not what God designed it to be. We need to look at what God’s pure plan for sex is and how we are to enjoy it based according to His plan. I think God knew that this was going to be an important topic, so he placed it right at the beginning of the Bible, let’s turn to Gen 1 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” - Genesis 1:27-28 The first part of God’s pure plan for sex is that it is for a man and a woman. Maybe that sounds obvious, maybe it doesn’t to you – but God establishes it as part of his pure plan 27 verses into the Bible. One chapter later, God establishes the second part of his pure plan for sex. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” - Genesis 2:24. God has designed sex only for marriage. Some people can look at this verse and claim that the Bible never says the word “marriage”, it says united (cleave/bond/embrace/hold fast). Some people would want to tell you that if two people are really in love and are committed to one another, it is okay to have sex. But the verse is clear – a man leaves his parents, is united with his wife, and then they become one flesh.So God’s pure plan for sex is pretty simple.Sex is designed for a man and a woman in a marriage relationship.
Rather than the 13 steps to purify this water, we have 13 words that sums up God’s pure plan, Anything outside of this plan is sexual sin. ANYTHING!!! God’s plan for sex is pure and is good and is designed with our best interest in mind. The world’s plan for sex will never satisfy us for long, and will actually do more harm than good. Don’t settle for anything less than God’s plan when it comes to sex. It is sin and sin always results in personal pain – whether it is emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual. Waiting for God’s pure plan requires patience and self-control, but brings immense joy and satisfaction. So the question I leave you with is this -Which plan do you want to trust – God’s or the world’s?
Posted on March 31st, 2008 by Mike Parejo.
Categories: Uncategorized.
Dear parent of a middle school student,
As you already know, raising a middle school student is challenging. They are no longer children, but they certainly don’t qualify to be an adult. The middle school years can be one of the most difficult phases a person encounters in life. Their bodies are changing rapidly, their moods modify from one minute to the next, and they are desperate to connect to anyone who is willing to call them a friend. That is why in Student Ministries we don’t want volunteers who love God and are willing to “put up with” middle school students, but we search for people who love God and really do like being with middle school students! We are so appreciative that you allow us to partner with you in helping your student experience God in his/her life.
One of the Biblical principles we desire to instill in young people is that they would be able to establish moral boundaries in their life based upon God’s Word. One of the boundaries they need to learn to set has to do with the area of personal purity – specifically sex and dating. Our society is continually sending unhealthy messages regarding sex and dating specifically designed for young people, which is exactly why we need to address these topics in church. Starting on April 6th, we will teach a three-week Sunday sermon series on the topics of sex and dating entitled “Pure.” We will discuss God’s pure design for male/female relationships, the impure ways of the world, and how students can set pure boundaries in their lives in this area.
Sex and dating shouldn’t be a taboo subject for the church or for your family. You as parents are welcome to sit in on any or all of the three middle school messages in our “Pure” series; and I strongly encourage you to talk with your student after each message to discuss what they learned or to address any questions they may have. I will make my lesson notes available on our student website at http://pccstudents.org/. Thank you for allowing us to partner with you in your student’s life in this important subject.
- Mike
